Obama and Ford Motor Company: Censorship or petty politics?

It would seem that the Ford Motor Company CEO, Alan Mulally received a surprise phone call from the White House “bullying” him (Mulally’s words) into pulling a television advertisement that made the Obama administration look bad.  The commercial is above (for now) for those of you who have not seen it.  Essentially the customer is given a surprise press conference where reporters ask him why he purchased a Ford.  His honest and unrehearsed response was that he wanted to buy an American vehicle from an American manufacturer that did not take government bailout money, who accepted the risk of doing business and during hard times, stepped up to the plate and got it done.  I’m paraphrasing of course but this man is nowhere nearly alone in his sentiment. 

I only wish I could say I had the same level of conviction.  Yes I am positively disgusted with General Motors for the way the union and government strong armed bond and stock holders out of their investment, essentially “stealing” money while reneging on debts.  I’m also disgusted by the transfer ownership of the company to the very same union that caused it so many financial woes in the first place.  GM also of course begged a federal, tax payer backed loan and eventual bailout of billions from the government.  Of course GM later advertised that they paid their government loan money back but they failed to mention the bailout money they used to do it…in short they kept the cash they just changed the label of the bucket it was sitting in.  As for the investors that got bilked, if you think only fat cat Wall Street types lost money in that deal, you might want to take a really close look at your 401K managed investment portfolio prior to the GM bankruptcy, you might be in for a nasty surprise. 

But let’s step back and forget about taxpayer money or the investors and bond holders who were bilked. Forget about the bailout money too, after all Harley Davidson took bailout money and I own two of them.  It’s not the loan that is worrying; it’s not even the bailout that is the thing that keeps me up at night.  A little bit of it might be the way the investors got jacked over…but I’m not even overly concerned about that at the moment.  The concerning thing is the government stepped in, directly from the White House and essentially threatened Ford Motor Company in order to cow them into silence.  This is petty at best, immature and beneath the type of conduct that we should see coming from the highest office of the most powerful nation on earth.  This could also be painted in a darker, more sinister light for those so inclined as this is the type of stuff I heard horror stories about as a kid growing up in Regan’s America during the 1980’s.  You remember?  The good old days where we were warned about Communism, the evils of censorship from the government, the abandonment of individual liberties for collectivist thinking and the thing that always stuck out in my mind were the toilet paper and gasoline shortages that the USSR experienced, but I digress.

This was a grievous error on the part of the White House and I think ultimately it shows just how petty and low this administration is willing to go.  I think this will hurt Obama politically for sure but my biggest hope is that this does not set a precedent indicative of future behavior.  It’s beneath the office. 

Now before anyone gets on my comments section below and starts the knee jerk Bush bashing that seems to occur anytime anyone criticizes this president (which to this day I do not understand) please keep in mind that I understand the Bush administration had its warts too, though I somehow have a hard time picturing direct calls from the White House demanding unflattering advertisements be pulled from the air “or else” so try to keep on topic if you want to leave a comment.  We’re talking about Obama, or the Ford Motor Company, GM or anything relevant within the last 2 or 3 years…and that isn’t Bush so please keep that in mind if you wish to disagree with my post above.   

Sources

Source 1: http://detnews.com/article/20110927/...ad-on-bailouts

Source 2: http://www.foxnews.com/on-air/hannit...big-businesses

Tactical Tommy Goes to the Store

This story is dedicated to my friend and co-author Bill Caughran, 1st Cav. Division, Vietnam

I used to really be into guns, shooting sports and just anything firearm related.  Well after years of listening to “war stories” in gun shops and reading countless gun oriented magazines I began to develop a taste for the ridiculousness of it all.  I really, really began to enjoy listening to them drone on about how a 12 gauge cocking sound will scare bad guys or that women should only carry revolvers because they can’t learn how to properly use an automatic but my favorite stories were from the tinfoil hat wearing types.  You know, the guys who think the government is out to get them, that the world will end at any moment and everyone else is too stupid to realize it.  These guys could always take the most mundane errand and turn it into a survival story, usually recalling their gear in explicit detail and previous “classified” or “top secret” training they had.  At one point everyone was a former Navy SEAL but once that got comically clichéd they started to tell the stories sans Special Forces names (especially since the danged internet made it too easy to debunk them).  Anyhow a veteran of the Vietnam War named Bill Caughran (who was with the 1^st Cav Division)  and I both found their stories to be hilarious while other people just rolled their eyes and would walk away.  Eventually Bill and I sat down and wrote the following fictional story in honor of those gun shop commandos, mall ninjas and general tactical weirdo’s out there that we couldn’t get enough of. 

It’s been years since I’ve written this and it was originally published on a discussion forum, but I’ve decided to republish it here, in honor of my friend Bill whom I have not seen nor heard from in many years.  This one’s for Bill.

(original title) So there I was....what really happens to tactical "tools" in a fight

---

As I was leaving my house I stuffed my Glock 10mm "man gun" Mexican style in my pants. My backup is a fully customized 1911 with all the IPSC add on options in my $500.00 leather pancake holster custom made by Belgian Monks who have devoted their lives to silence and holster making. These are the ones used by SEAL Team 6, which I used to be a part of but all records of my activities were destroyed in a fire "accident".

I put on my Royal Robbins photographer vest to match my pants while wearing a T-Shirt underneath reading "from my cold dead hands", that away nobody can see what I'm packing.

I had my Centennial .38 Special in my ankle holster, just like the gun rag guys carry.

Lastly I had my "Covert Sniper" I.D. Card in my wallet with my "Concealed Weapons Permit Badge". I was ready for anything.

I drove my Bug Out Truck to the 7-11 for some beer, cause you never know. It is a performance styled Subaru BRAT with 4 cylinders of ground pounding fury.

As I pull up to the 7-11 store I notice a nefarious looking girl scout eyeballing me from the back of her mother's SUV, a likely cover.

The mother returned to the truck and went for the keys in her purse, but I knew from my years of combat honed instincts that she was actually making a furtive movement for an offensive weapon.

I attempted a tactical shoulder roll, but fell flat on my face, kind of flopping on the pavement to avoid any incoming rounds and to make look like I meant to do that. The store owner called 911 which is good because I then did a roll and attempted to draw my Glock.

Unfortunately, since I did not have a holster, the gun "went off" and the bullet creased my wiener.  But I was prepared for that and bit down on a 10mm casing to take my mind off the pain as I dove for the garbage barrel. That’s when I noticed the Girl Scout shouting something to her mother who began to take cover. I knew they were closing on me so I drew my custom trusty 1911 Wilson COMBAT....I knew that they would be impressed with that. I then duck walked to the front of her SUV but my gut kinda’ got in the way and I fell on my ass, which caused me to swallow my 10mm casing.

I then tried to roll to my right, but didn't want to scuff my holster so I attempted a mid air conversion and just threw myself into a telephone pole, but I landed on right side anyway. So I fired one shot towards the woman’s SUV to pin them down as I recovered my wind.

And before the mother knew what was happening, I charged her and I threw my groin into her knee. I knew that as I vomited on the ground in front of her that I had interrupted her OODA loop, I had the advantage of surprise now. As she ran screaming for the Girl Scout (I knew she was going for backup) I made for my Super Charged BRAT tactical truck. I jumped into the driver seat forgetting that I had left my rare Israeli contract AR 15 Bayonet on the seat honed to a razors edge. I could handle it though; half my ass is an implant from war wounds. As I attempted to start my truck police and paramedics arrived on the scene. My truck would not start and instead backfired once and caused the police to taser me, at which point I tactically soiled myself while in convulsions. My custom 1911 then fell out the window but I still had my Centennial .38.  I knew that I had to take out the woman with the purse.

So I aimed my revolver at her at which point the first police officer fired once striking me in the chest, fortunately I was wearing my level 3A body armor. I didn't want to hurt the cops, they had obviously been duped by the evil temptress who was now embracing her partner in crime and crying to the police in the background, I knew it was a ruse.

I pulled out my concealed weapons permit badge and showed it to the officer who shot me and yelled out "I'm one of you guys", he continued to cover me and ordered me to drop my .38 so I lay it down, I still had my bayonet embedded in my ass after all. The cop walked toward me and upon reading the badge maced me right in the eyes. Fortunately my Oakley shooting glasses stopped most of the spray and I was able to rip free of the taser cords easily, it only cost me one nipple, easily replaced. I dove for the passenger side of my truck and began to run zig zag for a ditch, unfortunately the bayonet sticking out of my ass slowed me down, I knew it would have to be hand to had now. I knew the cop couldn't take me when I saw he merely carried a 9mm Glock 17 and not a man’s gun. So I immediately threw my eye into his right hook, followed by a knee into his mag light. As I lay thrashing on the ground I took the heel of my Bates enforcer boot and kicked at the cops ankle, I knew that from my classified experiences in Tajikistan that once breaking the ankle, the cop would fall down and I could "stun kick" him in the head, knocking him out but without hurting him.

Apparently the cop had also been to Tajikistan because he side stepped me and struck me in the back with his ASP baton, but my trauma plate absorbed it. I then drew my Benchmade auto knife and was promptly tased again, but I was ready for it this time and only wet myself a little bit.

Next thing those cops knew I was unconscious. That'll teach 'em.

Product Review: BammBamm's Custom Blanket Roll for Old School Wind Blockage

So recently some readers of my blog post “Ape Hangers: How to combat the flying squirrel effect” asked about the blanket roll on my Softail, where I got it, how much it was, did I really like it, etc.  Well in an effort to answer all those questions and more I am officially doing (drum roll please) my very first product review.  (Sound applause)

Wind buffeting when using ape hangers can be an exhausting experience.  After several hundred dollars and countless hours in the garage I finally was able to find the right fit and style of ape hangers for my Softail as “fit” was the most important aspect in alleviating most of the fatigue that hours of getting blown off of my bike seemed to cause.  No longer was I hanging on for dear life but I still had to maintain a death grip on my bars or hold my abs taught in an effort to keep from being blown around when going at highway speeds.  For short rides this isn’t a problem but my limit was maybe about an hour or so before I was ready to get off for a bit.  I needed a little something extra and began my hunt for a solution that was cool looking, cost effective and fit the design of my bike.

As I stated in my previous blog post, windshields didn’t suit my style and they were very expensive.  Also after my experience in trying to find the right bars I wasn’t too keen on spending hundreds of dollars trying to find the right windshield.  I researched fairings, different bar configurations even those little bikini fairings that people charge hundreds for (I have no idea why, it’s basically a coffee can cut in half strapped just above the headlight).  And as I said before someone mentioned doing it “old school” by strapping a saddle blanket to my bars.  My Softail definitely has a little old school thing going on so I thought I’d look into it.  I found virtually nobody who made blanket rolls so I decided to simply buy a saddle blanket, use a couple of small belts or large dog collars and just strap the thing to my bars.  As you might have guessed this was less than functional so I went to zip ties which while functional looked like crap.  I thought about a Bandit’s Day Bag but honestly, it looks a lot like a duffle bag strapped to the bars, Kuryakyn and T-Bags had a similar if a bit slicker of a design but still didn’t have the look I was going for, too modern, too “slick” if you will.  I wanted something that looked good enough to leave on the bike 24/7/365 preferably using leather. 

One night while pursuing the internet I came across BammBamm’s Custom Leather http://www.bammbammscustomleather.com/#/home

The website offered American made leather blanket roll harnesses with Mexican blankets for a uniquely old school and functional product.  I ordered one which at around $50 was an inexpensive risk, plus it looked way cool.  The gear arrived in short order and I inspected the harness s and blanket.  The harness was black with basket weave pattern and an eagle stamped where the cross strap meets the belted straps.  The leatherwork was definitely nice and the leather itself was thick and sturdy, overall a quality product.  The Mexican blanket?  It was made in Mexico as it should be instead of China or Pakistan (thankfully) and was also of good quality.  It kind of reminded me of a Mexican poncho I had as a kid and the pattern was a nice gray and black color which fit my bikes aesthetics perfectly.

My Ride

Satisfied with the quality of the blanket roll I strapped the blanket up and went out for a ride.  The blanket did everything a flyscreen or low level windshield would and more.  The blanket redirected the wind off of my mid section and redirected the wind making my apes more tolerable even to the point of being comfortable.  I probably grinned like an idiot for a half hour straight while on that ride, I had finally found the answer to my problem after months of searching and what’s more I felt like I could ride my bike until I was bored rather than exhausted.  What’s more is whenever I decide to take a trip somewhere for a day or two there are no saddlebags required.  I just take an extra set of clothes and roll them into the blanket and strap the whole thing down, nice and easy.  Lastly of course if I get wherever it is I’m going and I need a blanket to crash on (no pun intended) I have one handy.  Now of course this thing isn’t waterproof but if you need that I’d be willing to bet the harness would roll up with a tarp just as easily.  The blankets that come with the harness come in several colors and the harness can have either a basket weave option or for those of you with an inner cowboy a southwestern pattern and the added choices of southwestern style buckles and silver tipped straps.



My Ride



So let’s recap…costs literally hundreds less than a windshield, looks cooler, holds valuable gear and in a pinch you have a blanket…it’s a no brainer. 

More about BammBamm



Southwestern Pattern



Not willing to leave good enough alone I contacted BammBamm to learn more about the product, her company, how she makes her blanket rolls, what options there are and of course to learn a little bit more about her craft. Well, she is a new up and coming business and as you might have guessed, with a nickname like BammBamm, Kathy (her real name) is a tried and true biker.  She has been riding for 27 years and she just finished restoring a 1976 Sportster which is now her main ride.  Besides being handy with a wrench she has been working with leather since she was a 12 year old girl and has become quite an expert over the years.  She is a 1 person business, crafting every blanket roll, wallet, holster or whatever you order one by one.  Every piece she makes is custom from the ground up, she uses no machinery and does everything by hand.  It might be worth noting that BammBamm is the only blanket roll designed for motorcycles I’ve seen available online or elsewhere.  Given the price point of her product and the exceptional quality I’d say her products are some of the best deals out there.



BammBamm's Scoot



(Note for all the skeptics out there…I did not receive any compensation for this product review nor will I.  I feel that small businesses are the lifeblood of innovation and the engine that drives our economy.  When I run across people like BammBamm who are doing quality work, here in the homeland against all odds I’ll do everything I can to support them to include writing a review.  It might also be worth noting that there has been no exaggeration on my part regarding the quality of her products.  Disclaimer over, go about your business.) 



Closeup of Blanket Roll




She does wallets, holsters, etc.  Being the LSU Tigers fan that I am, I'm gonna' have to get one of these bad boys.



Do Loud Pipes Really Save Lives?

I’ve seen it on T-shirts, patches, hats and stickers, the “loud pipes save lives” verbiage.  Back in my sport bike riding days I used to just roll my eyes, picturing some yuppie on a shiny new Harley sitting at a stoplight revving the crap out of his engine until you couldn’t hear yourself think.  I really hated those guys and pretty much considered HDs to be obnoxiously loud, under powered, stink machines for dummies with too much money.  Running my sport bike to and from work every day for years taught me a lot of things about the nature of people on the roads…that the human being while behind a steering wheel is an intellectually challenged, antisocial, borderline homicidal sociopath with a tendency to find anything in the world more interesting than actually driving.  People came over into my lane without looking on a daily occasion, using my turn signals only invited people to speed up to prevent me from getting in front of them and people in any driveway, yielding green light or stop sign at any intersection just couldn’t wait to pull out in front of me so that I would have to slam on my brakes in order to prevent buffing their roof or hood with my butt.  In fact it got so bad that I just started to anticipate it, everywhere I went and just thought it was a normal part of riding.  I wore a Joe Rocket UFO jacket with all the reflective patches and piping on it.  My Ninja was silver and orange and I was fond of loud colored accessories.  I was about as visible as Richard Simmons at a Republican political rally but it still wasn’t enough.  People drove around like I simply wasn’t there.

A couple of years later, a friend of mine finally convinced me to buy a Harley.  I didn’t have much money so I was looking for a steal when I found an XL883C, 2005 with low miles on it that I just couldn’t live without and within a couple of months I was back on the road again.  The bike was noticeably louder than my Ninja was but I still had the occasional cager pulling into my lane without looking, still had trouble at intersections (though less so) and still had people speeding up to prevent me from getting into their lane, pretty much par for the course though I did notice that it was happening less frequently.  Finally one day I got the bike rejetted and the mechanic asked me to fire it up.  I did and he made a sour face and said “that doesn’t sound right” and looked up my tailpipe (which had VTwin Mfg. slip ons with baffles).  He stood back up and said to me “you gotta pull those baffles out, your strangling your bike with those things”.  So I promptly went home and did just that.  When I fired up the bike afterwards it sounded like the end of the world was coming, huge rumbling sound but with raspy overtones that just “hurt” the ears, even still I was thrilled.  After riding around for a week or so like that I noticed not a single car came into my lane, I felt like I literally owned intersections because everyone was looking my way and that cars pulling out of parking lots and driveways yielded without any swerving, locking brakes or frantic steering on my part.  Everywhere I went people stared…then I realized it was because I had become “that guy”.  The dude with the obnoxiously loud bike revving the crap out of his engine at intersections (though I generally did not do that and still don't) so back to the mechanic I went. 

I told him I liked the attention my bike was getting, people were getting out of my way and were no longer cutting me off or stealing my lane but that the harsh, raspy, out of control exhaust note just seemed over the top.  We figured out lollipop (a type of quasi-almost-baffle-thingy) might be the answer given the narrowness of my pipes combined with their overall length (which were full length).  It worked like a charm, I still had a monstrous exhaust note, very deep and resounding but it didn’t make small kids cry every time I would ride by, maybe just run to their parents instead.  I was satisfied that cagers could hear me and therefore be aware I was in the immediate vicinity.

As I thought about it I started paying attention to my own driving habits while in a cage.  Whenever I was driving alone, listening to talk radio or even some music I could definitely hear some bikes.  Whenever listening to loud music I could still here a few bikes while riding, though it was usually those riders using the skinny, trashy and classically cool drag pipes ala Cycle Shack or the like.  Now granted I was kind of looking for motorcycles but I absolutely believe that loud pipes give you more presence. Certainly more than reflective piping on your jacket or an orange t-shirt would. 

(Cycle Shacks are a true American classic but have had some people seeing red for decades.)

So do loud pipes really save lives?  In my opinion there is no doubt, but they are still no substitute for skill and attentiveness while riding.  Cagers will still find ways to distract themselves and not everyone registers the resounding exhaust note of a v-twin with “there’s a motorcycle in my vicinity”.  In my riding years I’ve noticed men tend to note the sound of a motorcycle by looking more often than women do and that the most menacing thing on the road is an SUV driving soccer mom on the cell phone.  Trust me, you could strap a foghorn to your butt and set yourself on fire and she will still not hear or see you and she’s always out there.

Now you might already be aware of this but not everyone shares my opinion.  For example the AMA “ The [AMA] believes that few other factors contribute more to misunderstanding and prejudice against the motorcycling community than excessively noisy motorcycles".  Additionally there are writers, motorcycle journalists and other enthusiasts who believe that overly loud motorcycles raise enough public ire as to result in laws that infringe on their respective rights.  Then of course there are the “scientific” studies that look at statistics where cruisers are involved in accidents and conclude that there is no demonstrable evidence suggesting that loud pipes do/have saved lives.  Of course they discount the fact that Harleys do not have the cornering, handling, braking, acceleration or generally eye catching color schemes that our sport bike counterparts have, yet we still are on the lower side of the accident bell curve.  It also discounts the fact that (sadly) some Harley owners are older, started riding much later in life, may be less experienced seasonal riders and may wear less safety gear than your average sport bike rider (but I don't think anyone has actually studied that).  Lastly, not every cruiser style bike is loud, in fact I’d say the majority including stock HD pipes are not loud by any stretch of the imagination (think Kawasaki Vulcan VN750 for example).  

For an example of a countering viewpoint there are people like this guy: http://www.virginiawind.com/byways/loud_pipes_save_lives.asp  At one point he reasons that cars cannot hear you when it matters because your pipes are not facing forward.  It’s worth noting this guy rides a touring BMW bike and does not ride what I would consider to be a “loud” bike, probably even calls himself a “motorcycle enthusiast” and who knows...may never have actually tried a loud bike but I digress.  Without getting too much into how sound waves work, let’s just put it like this, can you hear a bass guitar being played even if you’re not standing directly in front of the speaker?  Can you hear a trumpet, even if not standing directly in front of it? Can you hear a gun go off, even if it’s not pointed at you?  Can you hear a drag racer start up, even if you’re not standing directly behind or to the side of it?  Can you hear someone yelling even if they’re not facing you? Can you hear a motorcycle coming your way, even if you’re not immediately behind them? Alright, at some point you’ve got to use some common sense. 

(Do you think you'd hear this guy coming even if not directly in front of his pipes?)

Now I understand the sense against pissing off the general public, even though I think if all bikers were to do their part politically this would be a nonstarter as concerns go.  I also understand how some motorcyclists might feel that my actions may reflect poorly on them (not that I give a rat’s derriere, especially if they are not part of a politically involved organization to protect their rights) but what I cannot understand are some of these studies performed that attempt to get people to ignore their own experience and observations.  I cannot believe that my story is entirely unique, that others have not noticed the phenomenon that I notice.  I can believe however that there are some out there, who have never tried anything other than what they “know” believing whatever they’re told (after all, how do you think Obama got elected).  So even though it’s a controversial topic and my position may not agree with everyone else out there, loud pipes, whether politically correct or not, legal or not, polite or not, definitely save lives.   

Ape Hangers: How to combat the "flying squirrel" effect

Nothing says “badass” like riding with fists in the wind using ape hangers on an American made motorcycle, but like most things that look “cool” the function is definitely less than the form.  Don’t get me wrong, I love apes, they allow me to sit in exactly the position that I want to on my bike with my back straight and at a standstill they tend to be very comfortable.  However once I hit about 70mph into a headwind things can get interesting, my jacket or cut can act like a parachute, I may begin to lose feeling in my hands, I may feel like a weight is being pressed onto my chest and I just might start to wonder “is this really worth it?”   The culprit standing between me and the coolness that abides within the apes?  Wind, baby…and lots of it.  Imagine standing in a 80 or 90mph (speed limit plus a 10-20mph breeze) hour wind gust with your arms raised equal to or above your shoulders and you get the idea, for a few minutes it’s not too bad but after a couple of hours it can be really fatiguing.  The truth is apes can be very comfortable, even more so than the drag bars, beach bars or quazi-buckhorn styles that seem to come stock on most bike makes and models, but you have figure out a way to deal with the wind.

So how do we combat this monster?  Some people turn to the windshield, that humble piece of plastic that separates you from the breeze and yet somehow steals some of that “cool” the apes exude.  Oh sure windshields are effective and even look really good on some bikes, but to my taste when combined with tall apes they almost look like the motorcycle equivalent of socks with sandals, where you can have one or the other on but both together appear odd.  Obviously I’m not the only one who feels this way as there are literally hundreds of different makes and models of removable windshield kits for sale out there.  Windshields can come in all shapes, styles, sizes.  Everything from a flyscreen or bikini fairing to a full blow fairing sized windshield can be had and on some bikes, with some bars the look might work, but for the stripped down “minimalist bad boy” look, the windshield has to go.

This brings me to option number 2, a properly fitted pair of ape hangers.  Fact, not all men are created equal when it comes to height, arm length, chest size, etc.  Some of us need wide grip, 18 inch bars to be comfortable.  Others may require 12 inch narrow mini apes to be comfortable, but one thing is certain, the bars have to be fitted to the individual rider.  I had to go through a somewhat expensive learning process to figure this one out.  When I first bought my Softail it had 20 inch apes on it from the previous owner.  Without going into detail let’s just say I was in way over my head, literally.  I downsized to 16 inch apes and though WAY better, my hands were still going numb, I was still squirming in the saddle trying to hang on and I was still worn out after a ride of more than a half hour anywhere.  I had to downsize again to 14 inch ape hangers which was almost perfect but still needed a little more to take the edge off of the wind but I couldn’t go to 12 inch apes without re-cabling my bike which can be expensive.  Here are some tips I learned:

·        Be honest with yourself.  If you aren’t 6 foot tall with lengthy arms then don’t get the apes meant for the “big guys”.  You have to get what works for you, even if that means something shorter than the bike next to yours.

·        Try to get apes that keep your fists either at or just slightly below your shoulders if you plan on lengthy rides without a windshield.  Some people may prefer higher and that’s fine, but I found if you go higher than your shoulders discomfort and fatigue can begin to play into a ride after a short amount of time.

·        Width makes a difference.  Narrow apes will narrow your profile in the wind and result in less of a parachute effect.  Go for a narrow width if that is equally comfortable to you.

·        Grips are critical.  Granted I have chrome, smoothed out grips that require a death grip on my bars but I will soon be replacing them with something that will hold more friction with my leather gloves in order to keep from having to shift my hands every 30 seconds.

·        For a rough fitting take a coat hanger and mock up a set of handle bars.  Bend it every which way and find the length and width most comfortable to you but remember…what is comfortable while sitting in your garage may be very different from what is comfortable rolling into a 20mph headwind at 70mph.  Be conservative; if you think 16 inches is borderline sitting still try to see if you can live with 14 or maybe even 12.

For me, since the ’14 apes more or less “fit” I knew I needed something more to take the edge off the wind, which brings me to option number 3…positioning, in other words roll those suckers forward.  One of the best ways I have found to combat the wind is to lean into it.  I roll my apes forward and lean into my ride.  This keeps my back straight and prevents that fatiguing backwards push onto my chest.  This may not be the ideal riding position for everyone as it is an aggressive stance but it works for me.  Just a few inches can make a huge difference and if you wear a full face helmet with vents on top, has the added benefit of directing airflow where you need it, on top of your head instead of your chin.

Lastly there is the supplemental air blocking device…or what I like to call the “bedroll”.  Yes I said a “bedroll” but technically it can be a day bag, bug out bag, a coat strapped to your bars, or even a plain old saddle blanket, anything that will roll up tight from about 9 inches to 14 inches in height, that is at least the width of your chest and that can mount tightly and securely to your bars.  If you take a look at my bike you’ll see a custom leather harness with a Mexican blanket strapped to my bars.  When the wind gets tough the blanket seems to divert it up and over or below cutting down on the pressure to my chest and mid section by probably just under half.  Given that this entire rig cost me about $35 compared to a windshield of hundreds of dollars, and given that it (to me) looks cool enough to leave on the bike even when just bar hopping, it’s a clear winner.  It has the additional benefit of holding tools or other items I can roll into it or in the rare even that I actually need a blanket for whatever reason, I have one.  With properly fitted bars and a strategically placed blanket, bedroll, etcetera, you can have that fist in the wind “badass” look without suffering from the infamous “flying squirrel” effect. 

(note the blanket roll)

If you have any experience with apes and would like to share any tips or tricks that might work for someone else, please leave a comment and I promise I will publish them below.

Bikers vs. RUBs: Tips for the press on how to know the difference

(RUBs...God love 'em.  They keep us in good supply of used, low mileage Harleys)

Recently I discovered that Harley Davidson is being sued by what a newspaper called 4 “bikers” because Harley Davidson’s air cooled engine burned their tender, little legs.  The lawsuit claims that HD manufactures “unsafe” motorcycles that run “too hot” when compared to liquid cooled bikes.  My personal disgust for these “bikers” aside I thought I would point out to the news paper that not everyone who owns a motorcycle is a “biker” just like not everyone who cooks is a “chef”.  So to help them get this straight in the future I made a little cheat sheet to clue them in on the difference between a “biker” and a “rich urban biker” or “RUB” as real bikers are so fond of calling  them.

Bikers = think nothing of putting 10,000-20,000 or more miles on a motorcycle within a year.

RUBs = think nothing of spending $20,000-$40,000 on a motorcycle then putting 100 miles on it a year…maybe.

Bikers = tend to ride their bikes to different events.

RUBs = tend to tow their bikes to different events.

Bikers = see worth measured in foot pounds of torque and horsepower.

RUBs = see worth in winning plastic trophies.

Bikers = clean their leathers the way God intended, by riding in the rain.

RUBs= don’t clean leathers; they buy squeaky new ones…every season…preferably from the dealership.

Bikers = knows what a bug tastes like at 60mph.

RUBs = are generally scared of bugs and think they’re “yucky”.

Bikers = love a vintage HD motors and thinks knuckles, shovels and pans are sexy.

RUBs = love shiny paint jobs, tassels, and whatever else you can bolt on from the factory.

Bikers = love to ride.

RUBs = love to park and show off.

Bikers = will be 100 miles down the road before the RUB finishes sponging the dirt out of his spokes.

Bikers = own tools.

RUBs = have 800 numbers to call for roadside assistance.

Bikers = will “settle it” if they have a problem with someone.

RUBs = will call their lawyer to get a “settlement”.

Bikers = know that a gray beards are earned and to be respected.

RUBs = stain their beards pretending to be 20 years dumber (assuming you ever see a RUB with a beard).

Bikers = see a gray beard with a limp and chalk it up to “toughness” “commitment” and “experience”.

RUBs = see an old man with a handicap.

Bikers = know, show and expect respect.

RUBs = think respect is something you get from the logo on the side of your gas tank.

Bikers = have brothers and sisters.

RUBs = call people “bro”.

Bikers = know they’re bikers for better or worse.

RUBs = wonder what RUB means…wonder if they are a RUB…wonder if maybe they are bikers.

Bikers = see a parking lot full of motorcycles and want to go in and see what’s going on.

RUBs = see a parking lot full of motorcycles and worry that the corresponding building might be full of villains, ne’er do wells and bad guys unless of course it’s a dealership party. 

Bikers = earn patches.

RUBs = buy patches.

Bikers = understand motorcycles have hot pipes, hot engines and can be dangerous.

RUBs = sue a manufacturer because they burned their drumsticks while riding a motorcycle wearing only shorts and flip flops. 

Bikers = understand the beauty of simplicity.

RUBs = can’t wait to see ABS brakes, GPS systems, air bags, air conditioning, surround sound and if possible, a reverse and/or automatic transmission on a motorcycle.

Back in the Saddle: Smarter, more informed, more cautious but back

(out for my first ride since the accident)

Yesterday I decided it was time to get back on my bike.  I said a little prayer and crossed my fingers just before starting up my Softail.  She hadn’t been fired up in 2 ½ months or about 10 weeks (shameful I know) so I was worried I'd get the dreaded "click, click, click".  The rear tire is almost bald and I have little confidence in riding so I made sure to only stay on residential streets and take it really easy.  After a few minutes I actually started to enjoy myself a little bit but my riding was sloppy, I was too cautious and taking my turns wide, going a little too slow at times, etc. but soon I’ll be at a 100% again.

The biggest thing I am doing is learning from my mistakes made the night of my accident, of which there were several.  First and foremost is absolutely no alcohol when riding, not a single beer or drink.  Even though I was not drunk that evening I had been drinking and I was relaxed and not paying attention and not alert to danger.  Never, never, never again.

Second is gear related.  I’ll wear as much safety equipment as I possibly can without subjecting myself to heat stroke.  I’m thinking on really hot days a Kevlar mesh Draggin Shirt and either a half helmet or most likely a GMAX G68S which is a very high airflow full face helmet which is reputedly cooler than even a skid lid since it flows air over the top of your head.  Of course heavy duty boots and gloves will go without saying from here on out (as opposed to skimpy mechanics gloves and Converse Chuck Taylors that I had on that evening).  My bikes need a little update as well, namely in the form of engine guards in the case of a lowside (the #1 form of accident and reputedly the “preferred” way of going down if you have to).  Gotta’ protect those legs and feet.

Thirdly, I will keep my butt firmly placed on my seat at all times.  That whole standing up on your pegs thing to take big bumps in the road that I was taught at the Motorcycle Safety Foundation course is flat out wrong, especially if you have forward pegs and you are holding your weight up by your handlebars…trust me, if those bars turn suddenly you go flying.  Ask me how I know...

Lastly I will do the speed limit (or within 5mph of it on the freeway).  No more winding it up to 90mph in the HOV because I can.  No more going 45mph on a 30mph residential street.  A 15mph difference in speed can make a HUGE difference in reaction time and of course in “pavement to butt impact to damage ratios” (my own non-scientific term) on a residential street.

After my accident I did a ton of research and basically found out that the three largest contributing factors to motorcycle accident fatalities were alcohol, speed and lack of a helmet.  The biggest factors contributing to accidents overall were speed, alcohol and vehicles making a left turn in front of a motorcycle at an intersection.  Notice a pattern?  Since I’m not drinking anymore, I ALWAYS wear a helmet and since I always expect a vehicle to pull in front of me at an intersection the last factor that I can control is speed.  This includes the speed for given road conditions such as poor lighting, wet streets, etc. 

So are all of these measures going to keep me 100% safe or guarantee that nothing will ever happen to me?  No but they will greatly reduce my chances of being made a member of the Forever Chapter.

Quick Facts:

·        Half of the fatalities in single vehicle crashes relate to problems negotiating a curve prior to a crash (speed and blood alcohol levels (BAC) increase this significantly)

·        Over 80 percent of motorcycle fatalities in single vehicle crashes occur off the roadway (a crash occurring on the shoulder, median, roadside, outside right-of-way, in a parking lane, separator and gore. (A “gore” is an area of land where two roadways diverge or converge).  Again speed and BAC are the greatest contributors to these types of accidents.

·        Almost 60 percent of motorcyclist fatalities in single vehicle crashes occur at night.  (Most people go to bars during the evening, combine this with poor visibility, speed and impairment (BAC) and it’s almost a no brainer statistic). 

·        Collisions with fixed objects are a significant factor in over half of motorcycle fatalities in single vehicle crashes.  (Again speed and BAC are the greatest contributing factors).

In all of the above cases almost 40% of these fatalities included no helmet whatsoever, so total number of fatalities could be almost statistically halved with the use of a DOT helmet.  Parse this again by over 50% by reducing blood alcohol levels (BAC) not to exceed .08% and speed again over 50% and you can see how the over 4,000 deaths annually in a motorcycle accident could be cut down drastically, hovering right around the fatality statistics of driving a pre-1966 automobile.  (And how many people out there do you think would balk at the idea of riding a motorcycle yet would gladly take a spin in a 1957 Chevy?  I'm guessing dang near all of them.)

So am I now an advocate of those wishing to force us to wear helmets?  Absolutely not, but then neither do I think seatbelt laws should be enforced.  I wear a helmet and a seatbelt out of a personal choice and I respect the rights of others not to.  I will say this though…with respect to the “Look Twice” crowd who harp on cagers relentlessly, 46% of motorcycle accident fatalities involve nobody other than the motorcyclist who was killed.  That means we are almost as “dangerous” to ourselves as others are to us…think about that next time your thinking about bar hopping, helmetless while hauling butt down the freeway.  I think it’s time we acknowledge the risks we take without the luxury of denial.  We can do more to prevent motorcycle fatalities than anyone, food for thought.