Craigslist: Will a gun keep you from being robbed?

I was reading a discussion thread earlier this morning about a serial robber meeting victims over Craigslist.  Basically the scumbag would make deals with cash paying victims, meet them in a public place and then rob them at gunpoint, even in crowded areas.  Of course in one particular forum there was no shortage of dialog around how an armed victim would have fared better or how this tough guy or that tough guy would have shot the robber dead, etc.  You know the type…keyboard commandos, the kind of guys who envision themselves doing a ninja spin kick knocking the hapless robbers gun from his hand while the hero (himself) simultaneously draws a 6 inch barreled .44 magnum and “blows a man’s head clean off” ala Dirty Harry.  Of course this crap always works out well in the movies but let’s put our critical thinking caps on for a minute and analyze the types of situations like this as they are in the real world.  We’ll look at some potential choices available to the victims and try to answer the question; did the victims really have a chance?

For those of you who may not be in the know on exactly what Craigslist is, it is basically a free online service that works as a community bulletin board and classifieds section (like what you’ll find in a newspaper).  The plus is of course you can find some great deals, sell unwanted stuff or otherwise meet people you may have never met before.  For example I started a band once from people I met through Craigslist.  But like any service that connects people, there are those scum of the earth types who will exploit the service to rob and or otherwise victimize others.  Like the old saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure which is definitely the case in situations like this.

I have put more than a little thought into this particular blog topic since I have done probably over a hundred deals through Craigslist and I happen to be the distrusting sort by nature.  I have several risk mitigation techniques I use but just like in riding a motorcycle, there will always be an inherent level of risk no matter how careful or prepared you are.  But first, let’s analyze the armed robbery risks since this is generally how a robbery goes down these days.

The victim looks on Craigslist and sees an item for sale at an unbelievable price.  He contacts the email of the seller who then agrees to meet him in a public place.  The victim shows up with cash in hand, ready to buy his new gizmo when SURPRISE, he gets a handgun thrust into his gut and is told “your money or your life” (or whatever the heck dirt bags say in situations like this).  So let’s look at the facts and likely circumstances as they are in real life.

1.)    The robber and has the element of surprise in his favor.  He probably planned this very scenario to the letter and likely has had experience doing this before whereas this may be the victim’s first time in a life threatening situation.  Confrontation is the robber’s comfort zone.

2.)    The victim will likely experience an adrenal reaction, shutting down various cognitive portions of the brain sending his physiology into “fight or flight” mode whereby only the more animalistic and primitive functions exist.  Things like dexterity and fine motor skills will deteriorate and the victim will likely experience audio and visual exclusion, also known as “tunnel vision” fixating on the perpetrator.  This will trigger a strong psychological reaction with a bias towards survival at all cost and the victim will comply if for no other reason than the shock factor alone.

3.)    Statistics show that robbers like company, so more than likely there will be more than one perpetrator and our victim will be outnumbered.

4.)    The robber will have what is commonly referred to as “the drop” on the suspect, meaning his weapon (likely a gun) will already be deployed and ready to use before the victim even senses the danger. 

5.)    More than likely the environment will be either unfamiliar or only vaguely familiar to the victim.  Who do they call to for help?  Where do they run to?  Etc.

6.)    More than likely the victim is unarmed.

(you can't out draw a pointed weapon no matter how fast you are)

Now given the above circumstances the victim has virtually no chance.  At the point the gun is drawn it’s game over for the victim and they have to do whatever is asked of them or run a high risk of either death or serious bodily injury.  But let’s take #6 from the above list and arm our victim.  In fact, let’s just get stupid and say our victim is carrying a .500 S&W Magnum, the most powerful production handgun on the planet and our victim is a card carrying expert in the gun’s use.  Let’s also assume that our victim has had extensive practice in drawing and firing a weapon, which although it looks easy on television is much more difficult than one might suspect especially when those fine motor skills mentioned above are absent.  The victim will still likely be outnumbered, facing a drawn gun with limited brain and physical function and likely to be in a somewhat unfamiliar environment.  What are the alternatives and probable outcomes?

1.)    The victim loses their money and the gun goes undetected.  In shock the victim does nothing and the robbers leave as if the victim were never armed.

2.)    The victim could comply and lose his money and also the gun.

3.)    The victim is robbed of money, the gun somehow goes undetected and the victim then proceeds to shoot the robber in the back (or when they are distracted), which in Texas at night is perfectly legal (and in my opinion a reasonable response).  This situation could happen if the robber is in a rush and is unused to armed victims. The robber might also be complacent because the victim will seem as compliant as his other victims.

4.)    The victim could go for it and draw his gun attempting to shoot the bad guy before the bad guy or guys can shoot him.  The likely result is the victim will be gunned down since he needs to draw to fire whereby the bad guy only needs to pull the trigger.  So unless the victim is the Cisco Kid, out drawing a pointed weapon is pretty much impossible.

5.)    The robber decides to shoot and kill the victim even though the victim has complied.  It does happen even though statistically this is unlikely. 

Given the above three choices only choices 1 and 2 have a reasonable expectation of survival.  Scenario 3 is a tossup, shoot one robber in the back and the other one shoots the victim, or worse both of them shoot the victim.  Unlike in the movies, people do not fly through the air, instantly dead from one gunshot and should the victim happen to hit them the robbers are more than likely still in the fight.  Scenario 4 is still likely to result in death or serious injury by attempting to outgun numerous armed assailants who already have drawn weapons and who are ready to fight.  So again, even if the victim is armed scenario 1 might be the preferred outcome.

So it almost sounds like there’s nothing you could do right?  Wrong.  In executive protection circles there is a line of thought which in a nutshell is, if you have to use your weapon to get out of trouble, you’ve already failed.  This is true in these kinds of robberies too.  So let’s think about some risk mitigation strategies.

1.)    If the deal is too good to be true, it probably is.  Yep, sorry but a $1,500 Harley Davidson Street Glide is either stolen, broken or bait.  Look elsewhere and use common sense.  The best deals are the ones that are fair for both parties involved.  If you remember this, you’ll likely never have to worry about a robbery.

2.)    Email is the preferred method of communication on Craigslist but always talk to the other person on the phone to work out the details.  Then follow them up with an email.  This does several things. 

a.      First you get a more accurate description of the item you are buying from the person before you see it in person. 

b.      Second you now have a phone number to associate with the seller. 

c.       Third, while on the phone do what I call the “interview”.  Be able to answer these questions, what kind of car will he be driving, make, model and color so you know how to recognize him.  Know where you are meeting, when you are meeting, the seller’s name and a cell phone number.  I know you’ll want to know who all is coming too but if you ask that you might scare the seller off.  After all if they asked you how many people you were bringing with you, wouldn’t it concern you?  So be reasonable and assume someone will come with him.  Get input from your “sixth sense” meaning, you can answer questions like, does the guy seem evasive, in a hurry, overly anxious, stressed or even confrontational?  Is he unable to answer questions that he should be able to if they had the item in hand?  (For example can they provide the serial number or vin number of the item you are going to buy?)  Basically try to get a feel for someone after spending a few minutes on the phone with him.  If something seems wrong assume that it is and pass on the deal.

3.)    Work out a meeting place that is well lit, visible to the public, that has multiple ingress and egress points and if possible that you are familiar with. Make sure that if the seller shows up with a pack of buddies you can simply drive off.  If you are not familiar with the area, arrive early and scout it out, familiarizing yourself with the area (see below).  If the place is dark, concealed or otherwise undesirable, call the seller and change the location explaining why and be truthful, if the seller is legit this should be no problem even if a minor inconvenience.  Remember anything that protects you also protects them.  If the seller contacts you changing the location be on alert, if you arrive there and it’s not as described keep driving.  Use common sense; know that an abandoned warehouse is not a good idea.  Also don’t expect the seller to pack up a 300 pound entertainment center and meet you at a local Chevron station…remember common sense.

4.)    Arrive early enough to observe the area first.  Even 30 minutes early is better than nothing but sometimes an hour is best if you’ve had to travel far and are in completely alien territory.  Look for things like other cars with people sitting in them doing nothing other than watching people.  (could be a bad sign)  Are there people loitering around your meeting spot acting suspicious, patting their pocket, looking around for no reason or otherwise just giving you a bad vibe?  Change location.  Just people watch for a while and get a feel for the environment.

5.)    When the seller arrives wave and smile.  Do they wave and smile back?  If so that’s a good sign, if they do not or otherwise avoid eye contact and scan the area that’s a sign to proceed with caution.  Read body language.

6.)    Next take note of the number of people in his car.    It’s not unusual to see a girlfriend, spouse or sometimes even son or daughter.  Most of the time only the seller gets out of the car for the initial hello and handshake.  If two or three twenty something males exit at the same time and begin approaching your vehicle as you are getting out, proceed with extreme caution, especially if one of them is not carrying the item you are attempting to buy.  Be on alert and feel free to “profile” all you want, you are not the police and nobody is backing you up so if you get a couple of tough looking hood rats walking your way who are supposedly selling a 1960’s era collectible electric guitar that’s not a good sign.  If you get a bad vibe act accordingly.  Read body language, can you see their hands?  Are they looking at you or looking around to see who else is looking?  Are they smiling and talkative or short and evasive?  Are they overdressed for the weather (hoodies in summertime, etc)?  Can you see their faces plainly? 

7.)    Also try to picture where they are keeping the item to be sold…is something missing?  For example if they are selling a motorcycle, did he arrive in an SUV without the motorcycle?  That’s a bad sign, proceed with extreme caution.

8.)    Try to park at least a car length away from the seller.  This way if they have to walk towards you to attack you they are likely to show a “tell” before the attack.  Furtive movements, patting a weapon, looking around the area but not at you, etc.

9.)    When you get out of the car start talking immediately, engage them in conversation, do not have the money visible, be polite and smile a lot.  They should be talking back to you, hopefully smiling as well.  Extend your hand to shake theirs a few steps before you reach them, this causes an instinctual reaction in other people to extend theirs or prepare to shake your hand.  Believe it or not it’s an old cop trick used to get people to remove their hands from their pockets and since the more than 2/3rds of the population is right handed, puts a “gun hand” in plain sight.  Although you’re not there to make a new buddy you should act almost as if you are.  Remember, bad guys who are up to no good have something other than a “deal” on their minds and are likely under a lot of stress at the point just before a robbery.  If they are sweating, acting nervous, stressed or evasive you should be aware of this.  These are indicators that something is not right.

10.)                        Take a friend if at all possible.  Your friend should stay in the car or beside it until the initial “hello how are you” is done.  This creates separation of targets if they decide to try and rob you since one of you is out of the car and the other is in or next to the car.  This leaves would be robbers vulnerable since someone inside the car may be armed, have ready access to cover, may be an undercover or off duty cop, etc.  It creates uncertainty and bad guys like to be certain they will win before committing.  If there’s a chance you might fight back, most just don’t bother.  Oh, and leave the money in the car with your buddy until you see the merchandise. 

(offering a handshake results in a programmed response allowing you to see the gun hand)

Okay now some of you might be thinking “okay but what if I do all that and everything goes wrong?”  If you did all of the above and things still go to crap you likely messed up somewhere.  You have already “lost” in the sense that you did not successfully prevent the fight by denying a target to your enemy ala Sun Szu by removing the opportunity.  However if a fight is brought to you there are some things you can do to better your chances of coming through the mess in one piece.

Every fight, whether it involves fists, guns or just words is an entirely unique circumstance that fluidly changes.  No two are alike so it’s best to develop healthy habits before hand, like going to the range and actually spending time shooting as if you were in a fight.  Practice drawing a weapon, practice sight alignment, create muscle memory, etc.  That said I’m guilty of not putting in my fair share of work but there are tactics anyone, warrior or poet, may use to ensure they get out of this mess alive and intact and that is by creating distance, fighting back, finding cover, buying time and denying a target to your enemy (again). 

Believe it or not, most police gunfights occur (80%) in low light and at distances under 10 feet, average rounds fired are 10 and average hits are 2.  Unlike you in this Craigslist situation, police do not get to pick the environment where they may encounter danger; this is why I stress a well lit area.  Second most gunfights occur at conversational distances, this is likely to be true in an attempted robbery scenario as well and as such when in doubt, distance is your friend.  Third, the 20% accuracy rate of shots fired should clearly demonstrate the effects of adrenaline on one’s ability to shoot straight.  Remember your average police officer likely trains more than your average citizen with their weapon so if they’re hitting 2 out of 10, what do you think your accuracy rate is likely to be?  This is why muscle memory is important but I digress, I am writing this post assuming you shoot maybe once to twice a year tops.  So knowing this, if the world turns brown and you have to pull a weapon to defend yourself do the following:

1.)    Back up or side step or run if you can, just create as much distance as possible between you and the bad guy.  The only thing harder than shooting a target under pressure is if that target is moving away rapidly.

2.)    Shoot as you move.  The only thing harder than shooting a target that’s moving away rapidly is shooting at that target while it shoots back at you.  Even if you miss try to force the sucker to take cover or at the very least flinch.  Causing his aim to veer an inch or two from the firing line may equal being off target several feet at the target line.  A good rule of thumb is the closer you are the more rapid your rate of fire should be (assuming a high capacity pistol) with slower more deliberate aimed shots as you move away.  Always remember to shoot center mass (meaning aim at the breadbasket).  A hit to the gut is better than a miss to the head.  Also remember, you can never miss fast enough to win.

3.)    Take cover as soon as possible.  Cover equals anything that will stop a bullet.  When you get it, plant yourself there and buy time, don’t fire off all your rounds.

4.)    Unless you’re hit, time is on your side not his, so once you have cover wait.  Cover the area where you last saw the bad guy with your gun.  If he runs let him run, you should be focused exclusively on removing the danger from the situation, not “winning”.  It’s better to be a live witness than a dead hero.

5.)    If you have more than one assailant shooting at you try to hit the nearest one first.  If distances are equal take one shot per and don’t let either settle for an accurate shot.  Again back up or run as you do this to create distance.  If you do find cover but can identify a way to flee the scene without compromising cover, run like a scalded rabbit.  Two shooters could easily outflank one.

(read the body language of an attack in progress)

Of course there have been dozens of books written on handgun combat and shooting scenarios so I will not cover or rehash everything they do other than the steps offered above.  The thing is I am not paid to shoot down bad guys and if I were ever attacked like this, my sole responsibility will be to get away from the danger as quickly and effectively as possible. I hope the above steps will do that should I ever be faced with this type of situation but as I said before, an ounce of prevention…

Pay it Forward: Help an infant in need

I linked to this on my Facebook profile but I thought I should blog on this too.  I’ve been praying for and attempting to raise money for the family of a little guy named Ryder Walters who was born 6 weeks premature.  The little dude has had serious health issues and I truly can empathize with his family because my own son was born premature.  I don’t know if you know what it’s like seeing your new baby fighting for their life in an NICU and hopefully you never have and never will.  Let me toss some knowledge out there for those of you who were spared this particular humbling event, it is the greatest source of distress and anxiety a person can imagine, seeing your baby helpless to help themselves with needles and tubes coming out of their body.  The only thing they’ve learned and experienced in their brief tenure in our world is pain, repeatedly administered and for reasons they cannot possibly understand and the whole time the only thing you can do is pray and try to stand by their side and comfort them while the whole ordeal takes place.  It will tear the heart out of the most stalwart men and crush your illusions of control.  I’ll admit, there was a breaking point for me when an IV had to be administered to my own son whereby the nurse stuck a needle into the top of his head because his arm was too small and his vein had collapsed.  He was screaming as loud as he could with his tiny voice, my wife was holding his hand and I had to rush out into the hallway because I was losing it, I got about 6 feet before I started sobbing.  The receptionist tried to help but I was beyond consolation, the only person who could help me was God, I was literally broken.

This year has, for me, been one of learning a valuable lesson and that lesson is that I have to trust God.  I had to trust him to help my baby through the NICU.  I had to trust him to help my wife during her month plus stay in the hospital.  I had to trust him to help both my wife and I adjust our lives around 2 babies, both in diapers and in need of constant supervision.  I had to trust God recently during my motorcycle accident and the aftermath and I’ll have to trust him in whatever comes next.  Control is an illusion, trust in grace is not. 

That said I saw little Ryder’s pictures and in them I saw my own son (pictured above), my own situation and my heart ached to help.  I committed myself to help financially but I cannot do alone what we can do together.  I implore you to help this family financially if you can.  Skip one beer this weekend and donate $5.00 instead.  Build up some of that kharma, or grace or whatever it is you believe in.  Pay it forward.  Yes the website isn’t all that nice, after all I built it and I’m not a web developer.  I know some of you may be worried that the website will compromise your information; the good thing is that the entire financial process is handled by Paypal, not me.  So if you’ve ever used half the merchant sites online, or Amazon.com or even Ebay, you’re just as secure.  I won’t lie, I set an ambitious goal of $500 but if I even reach the halfway mark I will feel like we did some good.  100% of the proceeds will make it to the Walters family as I will pay the fees and costs out of pocket myself. 

So what exactly is going to happen with your money?  Well, the family lives in a different state than where they baby is being treated.  They have been living off of credit cards to eat and have been staying at the hospital.  Some hospitals will give parents a room free of charge for children in the NICU but this is not guaranteed and the hospital will kick them out if they need the room for a patient.  When and if this happens parents often will sleep in shifts in waiting rooms and sometimes are forced to get a nearby hotel room.  As you may imagine if they lose the room things will get tough.  Both parents are unemployed as of now and neither can work while their son is in the hospital.  In my case I had to take a leave of absence from work for over a month so this is not uncommon, fortunately my employer allowed me to come back but this is not every person’s case.  The Walters also face massive medical bills looming on the horizon, just as a reference point, my insurance provider paid around $80,000 (not including the $4,000+ I paid out of pocket) for my wife and son so you can appreciate the desperation of their particular circumstances.  Your donations will likely be used for food and if required a place to stay for the parents.  Little Ryder needs them there and they need to be there, we’re counting on your financial help to make that possible.

Please donate at:

(link closed...thank you for your donations)

UPDATE

I thought I would go ahead and provide an update.  Ryder made it home safe and sound and is a happy, healthy baby boy thanks to God, a lot of prayer and a little help from people who donated to help this family out.

Gypsy Raoul's Response to My Post "Psychology of a Accident"

(Raoul: Gypsy MC International's Internet Officer and all around alright guy)

I read your last post in the Wandering Gypsy: “The Psychology of a Motorcycle Accident” and found myself compelled to offer a response. Not just a comment in your blog, but a personal response from an older brother who’s traveled many of the roads you’ve yet to discover.

First, your article was well written and thought provoking. I feel for the psychology of a “crash” that you described ... and more. I began riding in 1966, in the Ozark Mountains of Arkansas. Fortunately, I was lucky for more than forty years in the saddle. Sure, I had a few get-offs and I did some stupid things that ended in bent metal and a few broken bits-and-bobs, but these mistakes and blunders resulted in minimal damage, pain and suffering. I’d laugh them off and get back on my bike and ride.

Then one day, my life changed ... my paradigm shifted in a manner I could never have conceived.
There’s no doubt that riding a motorcycle is dangerous. The inventors of the steam velocipede had no idea their invention would evolve from a 10mph conveyance to the 200mph+ bikes campaigned in MotoGP. Nor could they ever conceive of the traffic and highway systems or HOV lanes or freeway interchanges a rider must negotiate to travel safely from point A to point B. While motorcycles are thrilling - they are also dangerous and, as riders, we’ve got to consider the psychology that goes with the responsibility.

After nearly a lifetime cheating the reaper, my time finally came and the old bastard got his reward. Not the entire reward but he took a big bite out of me. A bite big enough for me to realize he’s there and he’s ready for more. It was 2007, October 6, to be exact. I was riding with Limey and his wife Phallin, and one of my Houston members, Billy G., from my home in Northwest Houston to the League City Fall Down Run. We were on I-45, near Nasa in Clear Lake, rolling south to Santa Fe - looking forward to a party with the tribe. Traffic was moving fast and we were in the screamer lane. When all of a sudden I noticed that cars were slowing in front of us. We began scrubbing off the speed and were aware that something was happening up front. The the danger appeared- a roll of visqueen plastic appeared from under a car that was still running well over fifty. The plastic was billowing in the wind, like a bed-sheet on a clothesline and it was moving. I looked to my right and was blocked in - a jersey barrier blocked my left – my brothers were riding tight behind me and I felt I couldn’t just lock ‘em up so I tried to ride over the plastic.

Generally, when you get in trouble on a bike, you ride it and fight it - sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t. There was no fight to this crash, I went down in an instant and took the entire force of the fall on the plateau of my right tibia - crushed, exploded, whatever. The meat-wagon came, I got enough Demerol in me to deal with the pain, three days later I was in surgery - plates, pins, the whole enchilada. Recovery was slow and incomplete. I was laid up, first using a walker, then crutches and finally a cane. I didn’t see my bike for a couple of months but I did see my chapter. They knew I was jacked-up and they were there for me. I was living alone at the time. I had a new wife who I’d been married to for less than a year and we were still living in our respective cities - she in Phoenix, me in Houston. She got me through the worst part - the surgery and the immediate recovery but then she got back to her life - a job flying with Southwest Airline and shared custody of her son.

Eight months later I was back on my bike - pounding the breeze from Houston to Corpus and then to Harlingen and back to Houston - my first long, and solo, ride. Here’s where the psychology kicked in for me. My bike came back from the shop with minor repairs from the crash. My brothers took care of all that. When I was ready to ride, which was after a chapter meeting at my home - I was still the chapter prez, I announced I was ready to ride to a local bar for a drink. One of my members rolled the bike out of my garage, pointed it the right direction and fired it up. I stumble from the house to the bike - folded my cane up and stashed it in a saddlebag and climbed aboard. I eased down in the seat like a bull rider on the baddest bull at the National Finals. I took ahold of the bars and blipped the throttle - it was all just like I remembered it - except for me.

I had changed - I wasn’t the ten-foot-tall-and-bullet-proof guy I’d always been before.  I was damaged goods. Not only my leg, but my mind - I felt fear, not from the thrill of the ride but from the knowledge that another mistake and I’d be back in the emergency room or worse - on a slab in the morgue.

I struggled through the mental process of building my confidence and getting back to the point where I’d make responsible decisions on the road. Being too conservative can kill you as quick as being too reckless. The old me gradually came back, not the same as before but good enough. Then in 2009, at Mandatory in San Saba, I fell in the mud and broke my femur - same leg. At least this wasn’t a bike wreck but it was just as traumatic, maybe even more. Repeat process - surgery, rod, pins, rehab, etc., etc. Five months later I was back on the bike - this time a bit more gingerly but still back riding.

In November, during Thanksgiving, I rode from my new home in Arizona to San Diego - my first long solo ride. My confidence had been shaken again but I was determined to beat it.

In October 2010, I hit a deer during a ride from Houston to Lake Mathis where I was going to attend the Calallen Halloween Party. This time I didn’t go down, I fought it and won. This little incident resulted in over seven-grand in damages to my ’03 Anniversary Road Glide but I rode the bike to a stop, kicked the stand down and thanked the Lord for sparing me from another encounter with the orthopedic surgeon.

Now that you’ve seen my qualifications - I’ll cut to the chase and give you some sage wisdom from one who’s been there. It’s really quite simple - you’ve got to know who you are and I’m sure you do. You’ve got to ask yourself if you’d be the person you’d be happy spending the rest of your life with if you walked away from your motorcycle and took a more conservative path in your life - a path that would increase your chances of arriving home safely each day, that would ensure you’d be home with your beautiful wife and your adoring children. Or, if you gave up the ride, would there be an emptiness in your heart and your soul that would never be filled again. An emptiness that would not only impact you but your ability to be a husband to that beautiful wife and a father to those adoring children. You see, it’s not only giving up the ride, it’s giving up the life as well.  Bikers are a strange breed - we’re fatalists - when our time’s up we accept that we might pay the ultimate price for our love of two wheels.

As for me, I’ll continue to ride. I may not ride as fast or as far, I may not take the chances I once took - but I’ll continue to ride. Because, if I don’t I won’t be me – and being me, being free and being with my brothers is what defines me. I know, someday, I won’t be able to ride and I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get to it. But until then, I’ll ride!

(A note from Alduro:  First I just want to say "thanks" to everyone who emailed me, private messaged me, left comments or otherwise who have been supportive of me during this time.  I didn't really get physically banged up too bad but my spirit and mind were twisted.  I can honestly say I will never look at a motorcycle the same way again, I have more respect for both the machine and the road now than I ever have.  I also have grown to respect my fellow Gypsys more now than ever before and I've grown to feel more gratitude and love towards my wife than I had before.  This continues to be a growth experience for me and I feel that in many ways this will be a factor in driving me more towards where I need to be as a Christian, friend, brother, son, father, etc.  Until that time I will continue to simply take it easy, read my Bible, pray and seek God.  I will also begin to re-prioritize some things in my life and give my family more time and effort than I previously have.  So again a special thanks to Raoul for taking the time to write about his experiences and for letting me share them here.  I also should point out that Raoul deserves the quote of the year award when he wrote in his last email to me "live your life on the high side of moderation".) 

The psychology of a motorcycle accident

It was the first Saturday night I’ve been out riding in what seemed like forever.  Billy and his girlfriend whom we call “Meximelt” were riding along with me.  The first spot we hit was supposed to be the Stockyards in Fort Worth, the famous White Elephant bar.  I was riding my newly restored 1998 Dyna Low with a Wide Glide converted front end and just loving the way it felt to be on a machine I fixed up myself.  Shortly after something fell off of my bike but I was unaware of it.  Billy came speeding up next to me yelling that something fell off my bike and hit him in the neck.  We double backed and parked on the side of a bridge and started looking at my bike and found it was the timing cover.  “How weird” I said to Billy and he started complaining about something I couldn’t quite make out while rubbing his neck.  Soon his girlfriend found the missing part and we took off again for the Stockyards.

(My cohort in crime: Billy)

Upon pulling up to the bar I hopped off and discovered that the screw holding the timing cover had actually snapped in one place and completely backed out in another.  I said to Billy “Good thing Harley has the timing plate cover bolts slotted so that I can replace them if a screw breaks off.  If this had been a Jap bike I’d probably have to tear the engine down.” 

Billy, a proud Honda owner replied “If this had been a Jap bike you wouldn’t have crap falling off of it in the first place.”  Touché’, I know when I’ve been had.

We mosey on into the bar and hang out for about 30 minutes, just trying to soak in the air conditioning.  After a while the band started tuning up but we were already eager to ride again so we headed out.  We run to Berry Street in Fort Worth which has a couple of cool little live music clubs and find out ETA (one of our friend’s bands) is playing there.  We stop in, say hello, talk some smack and soon are back on the road again with a promise to return and see them play.   We hit I-30 and run down to Camp Bowie drive to see if we could hit the Old House, a bar where the Chula Chasers like to hang out which is literally an old house converted into a bar.  The manager, a biker himself likes to say that this is the home of the world famous 3-ball championship pool tournament; it could be because their pool table only has three balls but who knows, he’s a strange cat. He always seems drunk even though that’s probably just his personality.  Unfortunately these guys were closed for the night so we head back towards the city and run up Camp Bowie to Score’s, a well known, mostly clean, biker friendly bar.  There we meet some members of the Punisher’s MC and just hang out and shoot the bull for a little while.  At about 10:45pm I start feeling a little tired and felt the night would soon be coming to an end.  I suggest to Billy that we hit maybe one more bar and call it a night. 

We pull out of Scores parking lot and head Northwest on Camp Bowie Blvd.  The night brought cooler temperatures, I was on my new(ish) scooter, my buddy was riding just to the left of me and I was soon to head home to my beautiful wife and kids, life was good.  Soon we were on an unlit portion of Camp Bowie but an area that I am somewhat familiar with when suddenly in my headlights I see a huge pot hole or to be more accurate a sunken in manhole cover that I knew was just going to pound my butt.  So I applied the brakes and then stood on my pegs to absorb the shock with my legs (as opposed to my back).  I wasn’t worried or nervous, I’d done something like this 100 times over the years, but suddenly everything went wrong.  I remember looking down at my feet as they hit the pavement and rolling onto my back, striking the back of my helmet hard against the ground then watching my feet rise up over my head and over my body as I tumbled forward (or rather backward) unable to stop myself.  I soon found myself staring down at my cell phone on the pavement wondering “why is my phone on the ground” when I heard a skidding sound and watched my pocket knife that I wear in a sheath on my right side, skid on the pavement past me on the left side.  I then looked ahead about 30 to 40 yards and watched my still rolling motorcycle tip over and skid on the ground, sparks flying. 

I heard cars braking from what seemed like everywhere.  The screech of tires so loud I couldn’t hear anything else.  Suddenly it seemed like a mob of people were running up to me asking me questions like “are you okay” or “do you need an ambulance”. 

I was so confused; it hadn’t dawned on me that I had been in an accident.  Billy ran up to see me standing on my feet then rushed away to start my bike and pull it into the parking lot.  I wandered around while people kept peppering me with questions about hospitals and ambulances when Billy ran up and started checking me for injuries by lifting my shirt, looking at my head, etc.  Someone finally said “dude, your arm” and I looked at my right arm to see it covered in blood.  I asked Billy “is it to the bone?” and he replied that no, I would be fine. 

Suddenly the only thing I could think about was that I wanted to be home with my wife and to see my kids.  The urge was overpowering, like the most important thing in the world.  I didn’t know who to call so I called my brother who was out at a bar.  He came and picked me up in a Taxi which took me to my house.  Billy followed shortly after with my bike which came out of the crash with minimal damage and still ran fine.  My brother helped to clean me up after I stripped down to my boxers and my wife ran to a 24 hour CVS pharmacy to get some bandages.  Suddenly I was alone with my two kids in my house when I just became overwhelmed and wept uncontrollably for about 2 or 3 minutes.  I felt like I had been given a second chance at life.  I felt grateful and profoundly relieved yet mystified at what happened and mostly I just felt shock. 

My wife?  Yeah, she was upset, of course she was.  She told me that I had made her worst nightmare come true and for the first time since getting a motorcycle I felt like I had been acting entirely selfish in riding one.  I couldn’t imagine getting back onto a bike.

Fast forward to today, 10 days later.  I’m a psychological wreck because of that accident.  I find myself searching phrases like “is riding a motorcycle worth it” on Google.  I find myself questioning my identity on some levels.  Here I am, in a motorcycle club, with people I love to be with, who welcome my family unquestioningly, and who seem to genuinely care about me.  Then there’s my dad, also in an MC and often times if we have nothing else to talk about, we have this.  This is an area that I can relate to my dad on a level nobody else in our family can, it’s uniquely mine and I cherish it.  Then there is just the pure joy and zen that comes with riding.  Do you know what I think about when riding?  Nothing, I just am “in the moment” which feels like the only time that is ever the case.  I come back from a ride feeling cleansed, mentally renewed and relaxed but now I feel like all of that has been stripped away from me.  I didn’t die on the side of the road that night but it feels like my spirit did. 

I have played the scenario of “what if” over and over in my head, imagining everything from just bouncing over that hole in the ground unharmed riding along my merry way to the image of my wife trying to explain to my 22 month old daughter that “daddy is asleep and isn’t coming home anymore”.  Just the thought breaks my heart so bad that tears well up in my eyes as I type this.  Sometimes I don’t know if I can ever do it again.

(My reasons for living)

Logically I know that I am very unlikely to ever be killed on a motorcycle.  I also know that a bacon cheeseburger will probably pose more of a threat to my well being than a Saturday morning ride (literally, I have high cholesterol and high blood pressure).  I also know that logically, I could die on my commute to work as I drive through some of the nation’s worst traffic.  I know that in the past I’ve been in dangerous situations through my job, situations that involved doing things like searching for explosives, dealing with armed robbers, etc.  But I’ve never been in a situation where I felt as out of control as I did that night and with so much on the table to lose.  Maybe my fear is irrational, maybe my head is in the wrong place, I don’t know.  The only thing I do know is that I’m more uncertain than certain for the first time in who knows how long...and that’s alien to me.